Food Wars
by Jetainia
Summary: What starts as returning the favour becomes so much more.


**Forum Block  
**Stacked With: MC4A (ToS; T3; Shipping War); Hogwarts; QL  
Individual Challenges: Short Jog; Click Bait It; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; Neurodivergent; Quiet Time; Founders Four (Y); Olden Times (Y); Flags and Ribbons (Y)  
Representations: Autistic Helga; Founders at Hogwarts  
Bonus Challenges: Demo (Hot Apple; In the Trench; Some Beach)  
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: Terrarium  
Prompt: "This tastes nothing like chicken."  
Team: Wigtown Wanderers  
Position: Captain  
Word count: 1,424

* * *

"Are you alright, Godric?" Rowena asked.

Godric—who had been staring at Salazar up ahead with a dreamy expression—shook himself and nodded at his companion. "Perfectly fine, Rowena. I'll be even better soon, I'm sure."

Rowena hummed in thought. "Perhaps not if you continue looking at Helga's love the way you are. She may be kind, but she is fierce when it comes to Salazar."

"You're certainly right about that," Godric agreed, having to swallow back the sudden fear that arose in him. It was fine, he wasn't planning to hurt the other man or steal him away from Helga. He'd be safe. Totally safe from retribution. Right?

As if on cue, Helga chose that moment to look back at him and smile. It was a kind smile, one full of warmth and happiness that still held the shadows of her past. Helga would not lose another loved one, and if Godric even so much as thought of making that happen, he would face her wrath.

He shuddered and hoped his plan would not bring down the storm that was Helga when her loved ones were threatened. It was harmless, and merely payback for Salazar throwing him (deservedly) into the lake that lay next to Hogwarts Castle. Just then, they reached a clearing on the side of the trail that looked to be the perfect place for a rest and a meal.

As one, they directed their horses to the grassy area and dismounted. Rowena pulled off the sack that held their food off her horse as Salazar made sure the grass was dry with a quick spell. Helga had darted off to the edge of the area where the trees started up again and began gathering the potions ingredients she saw there.

Godric took care of the mounts, holding in his snickers as the moment he had been dreaming of approached. Rowena cast him a concerned look as he returned from tethering the horses. His excitement and nerves must have shown on his face and he quickly smoothed it out into the small grin that he usually wore; he definitely had to get better at concealing his emotions.

It was with great skill and subtlety that Godric managed to switch the normal cod fish with his own, specially made, cod. The spellwork concealing the truth was above average, but Godric knew that Salazar was capable of seeing past it if he tried. Thankfully, Salazar wasn't expecting anything wrong with his fish and did not examine it with the type of scrutiny that would reveal Godric's magic.

The face that Salazar made after he bit into the fake cod was more than Godric could handle and he burst out laughing. The two women looked between the men in confusion as Salazar thoughtfully chewed his mouthful and Godric rolled on the grass.

"This is not cod," Salazar stated at last.

Godric could only shake his head, wheezing slightly as he tried to catch his breath. Rowena made a tiny 'ah' sound as she realised why Godric had been acting strange before and Helga frowned as she looked at the piece of disguised meat.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I believe," Salazar started dryly as he started unravelling the concealing spells, "it is retribution for Godric's swim in the lake."

The spells fell away and revealed the frog that Godric had lovingly prepared for Salazar to eat instead of the cod. Salazar rose an eyebrow as he examined the tender meat. With the attitude of one who was used to testing strange things, Salazar pulled away a section of the meat and placed it thoughtfully in his mouth.

Godric groaned as Salazar nodded in satisfaction. "The flavour and texture is quite agreeable. I must thank you, Godric, for introducing me to this. I find myself quite liking it."

Rowena patted him on the back sympathetically as Godric threw his hands in the air and proceeded to sulk as he bit into his own meat—which actually was cod.

* * *

Godric paused as he lifted the mussel to his mouth. Had that been a smirk that flitted by briefly on Salazar's face? He lowered his hand and scrutinised the shellfish he had been about to tip into his mouth. There was a slight shimmer of magic layered over the meat, but that was to be expected given that the mussels had come from a magic-rich environment.

Helga looked up from her steady organisation of the food in front of her. "Is something wrong, Godric?" she asked.

Godric hesitated before shaking his head. Surely Helga would keep Salazar in check—via presence or spirit, it didn't matter. She was generally the voice of reason and did not tolerate their small feud when it occurred near her. It was one thing for Godric to trick Salazar while they were out hunting and quite another for Salazar to purposefully continue it when they were in her domain.

He quickly threw back the mussel and immediately knew he was mistaken. Although he wasn't sure _what_ had just entered his mouth, he knew it was no mussel he had just swallowed. At his screwed up face, Helga turned to look accusingly at Salazar who spread his arms in mock innocence.

"It is hardly my fault if our companion cannot tell the difference between a mussel and a snail."

* * *

The war continued. Despite the efforts of Rowena and Helga, both Godric and Salazar would not be stopped in their quest to discover something the other would find no pleasure in eating. Sometimes, they would just hand over the food without hiding it and dare the other to eat it, other times they would surprise the other with a cleverly disguised piece of food that was not what it seemed.

Eating became an activity fraught with peril as the dishes became more outlandish and complex. As time progressed, Rowena, Helga, and the children started ignoring the antics of Salazar and Godric. It was a common sight around Hogwarts Castle for one or the other of the males to be chuckling to themselves or washing out the taste of whatever strange thing they had been forced to eat with copious amounts of mead.

Godric was still trying to rid his mouth of the taste of wood ants as he entered the Great Hall for dinner. Salazar smirked at him and tipped his goblet as Godric glared. Rowena and Helga ignored them and the students followed their example. Godric slipped into place next to Rowena and smiled at the chicken dish that was waiting for him. That was just what he needed to remove the lingering taste of ant.

He dug in eagerly, the rest of the room also doing so now that everyone was present. It was only after the second bite that he realised something was wrong. The meat was tougher than normal, more stringy and not accompanied by the delicious taste chicken normally carried. As he looked past Rowena to Salazar, he saw that the other man was also chewing slowly, examining his plate with the same look he always carried when something wasn't right.

So, it wasn't Salazar who had tampered with the chicken. It also wasn't Godric. He glanced at Rowena, she was eating her food like normal. Helga was also eating normally—organising her plate after every bite and humming lightly. Godric frowned and continued chewing, trying to figure out both what the meat was—for it was clearly meat of some kind—and who the culprit was.

The thoughtful silence that had descended over Godric and Salazar was broken by Salazar stating, "This tastes nothing like chicken."

Helga and Rowena merely nodded, used to similar observations happening when they ate. They looked up when Godric said, "I agree. Chicken, this is not."

"Nor is it particularly palatable," Salazar added.

Helga smiled. "It is hardly the fault of Rowena and I that the two of you cannot tell the difference between chicken and rat."

Both Godric and Salazar stared in shock at the two ladies who were continuing with their meals as though nothing had happened. _Helga _and _Rowena_ had tricked them both? The two had never expressed anything but long-suffering acceptance to their food war and now they had participated in it?

"You?" Salazar questioned, sounding as though he had fallen in love with Helga all over again.

Helga winked. "That would be telling."

Godric felt a sense of dread come over him as Rowena tore off a piece of her chicken and smiled. If Helga and Rowena were working together, he and Salazar were doomed.


End file.
